I love children and I do want them one day (I always say that I would like both my own and adopted children). But not now. So, maybe it was the unplanned event which upset me. I perfectly see myself with toddlers and grown up kids, and I am fascinated by the gestation time and not scared by the delivery, because I find the most miracolous event in nature. But I have difficulties in seeing myself as a full time mum dealing full time with pooping babies. What I wonder is: is there a time when you know you are ready for this role?I got up and with this dream in mind started tidying and cleaning the house up, I wrote a film review and did some food shopping, all these activities to try and erase that dream from my mind, but it is still there. So I tried to figure out how my daily life could be affected with a child next to me. But it's too hard to visualise it. I will have to wait and see. Photo above: Julie, Den Haag, Netherlands, Feb 29. 1994 © Rineke Dijkstra
Saturday, 22 October 2005
I had a dream, or rather a nightmare, last night. We were burgled by a child, which we managed to catch, persecuted by one of the London terrorist suspect bomber, and I was pregnant and took the news very badly: I was depressed and felt like trapped in a cage. Even my parents were heart-less and treated me like a child almost ignoring my condition. I was happy to wake up and realise it was just a dream. There is no need to bother Freud to understand that this dream included some of my biggest fears. But I do not understand why my pregnancy scared me so much. My friend Laura yesterday emailed me saying that she had the same dream: I was pregnant (again), but in her dream I was happy and so my mum--which she found very strange.
posted by Amicacarmilla