Thought of the Day

I don't believe in morality, but I believe in ethical conduct as set out by His Holiness the Dalai Lama: "Ethical conduct = a way of behaving that respects others’ right to be happy".

Wednesday, 29 October 2008

I am going to do nothing and then I am going to take a rest

If I glance at the date of my last post, I goose-bump! I have literally lost a season worth of blogging, a season of outings, cultural experiences, pleasant visits (Marco, my parents, Steve's family) and discoveries, but it was also a claustrophobic period crammed with doubts, questions, negativity, refusal and closure, a state of mind that I voiced with an openly disobedient attitude towards life. I am sure I have disappointed my partner and parents with my erratic behaviour, but I am relieved I have come out in the light with them. anyhow, I am not here to feel guilty about anything, as my crisis has partly been triggered as a rejection against my typical urge of worrying about other people's well-being and opinion.

Then Christmas came and it was a mixture of pleasant and fun moments (the nieces, skiing, my dearest friends) and more introvert times. I spent virtually a week indoors sleeping till noon and watching Hitchcock films relentlessly, without seeing anyone unless they came to knock at my door. The lack of social life over Christmas is my main regret as I could have made some of my Facebook reencounters feel more real, but I am not here to regret, I said. I also had some more arguments with my mum to try and put things in perspective in her mind. I temporarily succeeded. New Year was lovely - lovely food, lovely people, lovely gifts, lovely fireworks, lovely games. I sang until I lost my voice. For real. The morning after I was in agony with high temperature, aching bones and a nasty cold. It was a painful flu but was also a cathartic transition. I had not been that ill for years and I am a firm believer that our system needs a shake every now and then to reactivate its immune system and make it stronger. Unfortunately, three days later I had to travel, so I could not let the virus take its natural course and leave my organism at its own pace. It was too risky, or so my freaky mother who stuffed me up with antibiotics thought. Nonetheless, I considered it a process of purification, rather than a bad omen for 2009 (chi sta male il primo dell'anno sta male tutto l'anno).

Back in London I missed the first three days of work and had time to fully recover. I have been very active since. I have restarted my beloved yoga and made contact with Triyoga to start an 18-month teaching programme; I signed up to an exciting two-day workshop with a fantastic yogini (Angela Farmer) on Women’s Day; I got my yoga teacher’s back-up to be admitted to the course (I can't tell you how happy I am!); and asked and obtained 10 weeks off work. I am now planning amazing trips to Turkey and Africa. And of course there is the wedding. I would like to devote a separate post to the subject and what this really means to me. Granted, in this economic climate money is a bit of a worry, but, apart from the British Pound ghost haunting me, I am much more content than I was last year. Now I am just waiting for something to hit and shake my current mood again. That will be a revealing point of my sanity and will determine whether I should take more drastic measures (therapy anyone?), or whether I should take everything more light-heartedly...

Photo: Drawing by Unica Zuern

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